Loveday Writing

Write the transcript of a completely chaotic TV newscast**

KMP News have an aesthetically exquisite, professional and well-known news team. With the charismatic Clint Barron as anchor, stunner Gina Wolf as co-anchor, man’s man Johnny Oxford as sportscaster and foresightful weatherman, Jack Dengate.

The KMP News team always read the news with poise and without fail, making viewers feel at home with the news. However today wasn’t another day in the newsroom. Clint is leaving to take another job but refuses to lose his professionalism, however the rest of the team would throw their professionalism out of the window. Gina knew about Clint’s new job and that it was the reason for the end of their affair and planned on incorporating telling innuendo into the broadcast. Johnny had applied for the same job that Clint got and planned on spilling some of his office bound secrets. Jack had turned up to the broadcast drunk as he started his weekend plans too early.

KMP News

6pm broadcast–Friday July 29, 2016

Music cue (0.30)

CLINT: Welcome to the 6 o’clock news, I’m your anchor, Clint Barron. Our top story this evening, local mayor, Gordon Jones, has broken his right leg in a cycling accident. His office released a statement earlier today stating that he was in good spirits, that he would definitely watch his speed next time and he would be back at work on Monday. And now over to our on-the-ball co-anchor, Gina Wolf, Gina!

GINA: Good evening Clint, it’s interesting that you chose to use that adjective to describe me considering you don’t like women on your balls. A recent study has found that men are looking for commitment now more than ever, which is a surprise to this woman. Apparently the study found that more men are starting to look for commitment as they are wanting more out of life such as a home, a family and a fulfilling retirement. Hmmm, these sound like great men, I know no men or anchors who are looking for commitment, but I guess times do change, just with every other man on the planet, what do you think Clint?

CLINT: Ha ha ha, thank you Gina for that insightful and slightly snarky report, let’s go to our number one sports reporter to see what’s on the fields for the weekend, Johnny Oxford, Johnny!

JOHNNY: Thank you Clint, number one sportsman, how nice of you, it’s a shame that I’m not number one anywhere else, apparently you are because you’re the anchor. We’ve got some great matches this weekend, unlike you and all the women in this newsroom, which I heard won’t be yours for much longer but maybe that’s just a rumour ey Clint? We’ve got the Lions vs Matadors tonight, first and second place, battling it out for a spot in the finals, the Lions have worked hard for the top spot, which is more than I can say for some people in this newsroom, especially the top person. We’ve also got the Magpies vs Cockatoos in the AFL, the last time these two played together was three months ago where the Magpies stole the game away from the Cockatoos by a last minute goal, a result of an opportunity presented to them by a questionable call from the field ump. Speaking of stealing, are you loving those office supplies Clint? And how about you Jack, found some good office booze lately? Anyway, we’ve also got the Aussies overseas playing against the West Indies, hoping for another win. Back to you Clint.

CLINT: Thank you Johnny for that exciting report, perhaps a bit too loose with that tongue. Last but not least, let’s get the forecast for our weekend with KMP’s resident “weather whisperer” Jack Dengate, Jack!

JACK: ‘ello Clint! Sooo….you’re finally leaving ey! ‘Bout bloody time! Johnny boy would do a much better job! Sy’ney’s gonna rain, but who cares! Wouldn’ kill some of those snobs to s’ay in! Brissy’s nice and sunny as always! Shame you didn’ take a ‘ob there Clinty! Melbourne’s all gloomy, typical! Adelaide’s….Adelaide’s…’cuse me I’m gonna pass out now!

(JACK PASSES OUT)

CLINT: Well, I’m sorry everyone that you had to see that, Jack is usually a professional and more importantly sober, I don’t know what’s gotten into him, other than alcohol of course. For the weather forecast, Brisbane is nice and sunny with a top of 30 degrees, Sydney is a top of 20 with showers, Melbourne is overcast with a chance of rain with a top of 15 degrees, Hobart will also see some showers and a cold snap with a top of 8 degrees, Adelaide is nice and sunny with a top of 25, Darwin sunny with a top of 35 and Perth windy but sunny with a top of 23.

CLINT: Well that’s all we have time for, good night and good news!

 

**Reference: Marsden J 1998, Everything I Know About Writing, Pan Macmillan, Australia.

#I drew inspiration for my response to this writing topic from Whose Line Is It Anyway’s ‘weird newscasters’ game.