Loveday Writing

Earlier this year I entered the NYC Midnight 100-word Microfiction Challenge, an international creative writing competition that challenges participants to write original 100-word stories by giving them a specific genre, action and word assignment, in 24 hours. Every writer is placed in a specific group based on the genre, action and word assignment they are given. The competition judges pick 15 authors (per group) to progress to a second round. I was assigned to write a story under the romance genre, and had to include the action of painting, and the word ‘share’.

The results of the first round were released in May. I didn’t make it to the second round, nor receive an honourable mention, which was unsurprising but admittedly a little disappointing.

My short story can be found below.

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Fairground Feelings

This isn’t how I envisioned our second date, but Jonathon had never been painted before and wanted to see me at work.

He sat in front of me being the dutiful subject, his chocolate brown eyes piercing my soul as I gently painted lines around them. He desperately tried not to sneeze as his nose scrunched when I patted it with the paint-caked sponge. We shared a smile as I finished by adding ‘whiskers’ above his lips.

“A masterpiece!” He proclaimed, admiring my work in the mirror, “see you for lunch at one?”

“Absolutely!”

There’d definitely be a third date.

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A part of entry is receiving feedback from the judges on your story, whether you make it to the next round or not. The feedback I received from the judges on my story can be found below.

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”Fairground Feelings” by Rach Loveday

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY:

{1651}  You do a great job of putting us into the protagonist’s perspective and letting us experience the story through their point of view. It’s clear that both of these characters have romantic feelings for each other.

{1681} I like the specificity of some of the actions being observed here, particularly in how the narrator views Jonathon with the scrutiny of both a painter and a romantic partner (e.g., the near-sneeze, the whiskers). 

{1943}  ‘Fairground Feelings’ was a delightful story. I thought your premise was original and charming. I chuckled as I realized that the painting was face painting, not that he was posing for a portrait. This was cute. Jonathon was adorable. His patience and devotion was lovely as he tried not to sneeze, then declared her work a “masterpiece”. I liked the shared smile, and the way this showed us how well-matched they were. This was a very cute romance. Thank you for sharing it with me!

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK:

{1651}  As we journey through the story, it feels like the unexpected thing that happens is that the protagonist adds “whiskers” to Jonathon. However, we don’t know why this is significant or if there are stakes attached. I’d argue that because it’s set up in the beginning that Jonathon’s face is being painted, we expect something like this to happen. I think it would be a stronger choice if you set up that Jonathon knows that the protagonist is a painter, but he doesn’t know what kind of painter the protagonist is…so when Jonathan shows up, he’s expecting to model for a portrait and instead discovers he’s getting face-painted. I’d also rework the dialogue to give us a moment where the protagonist doesn’t know if there will be a third date and whether or not Jonathon will accept them as a face painter. That way, there will be stakes attached to the story and we will viscerally experience the ending as a reward.

{1681}  There isn’t much conflict in the brief story, so perhaps the suggestion that something is fraught about this (e.g., she doesn’t know how to paint him flatteringly, he doesn’t seem to like the painting). It doesn’t have to be much in a story this short, but you want there to feel like an arc so that by the time we get to that last line about the third date, it feels like a win rather than an inevitability. Finally, look out for phrasing that feels slightly generic like “pierce my soul” or “A masterpiece!”

{1943}  I was curious about the ending of the story. The idea that there would be a third date was cute, but I did find it a little anticlimactic. I felt a little puzzled for a moment as he’d already said that they’d see each other for lunch at one, so we knew they were going to see each other again. I wasn’t sure if this meant that they were already colleagues, hence the lunch, or if that was part of this date, or if it was the third date. I would love to see another moment of connection at the end of the story, rather than the line about the date. He’d been so sweet about her painting, and I wanted to now see some romance at the end. 🙂 I wasn’t sure that you needed to use quotation marks for ‘whiskers’. This created an interruption to the flow of the story that didn’t feel necessary. The first letter of a dialogue tag is always lower case, unless it’s a name, such as:

“A masterpiece!” he proclaimed.