Loveday Writing

Grandparents

Grandparents are fantastic. They can you spoil you rotten, they can teach you things that you parents aren’t allowed or suppose to, they can be your confidante and they give you a glimpse into your parents’ futures—your parents come from them, physically and mentally, you’ll find that your parents got their parenting skills and techniques from their own parents, as you will one day when you become a parent.

All four of my grandparents are gone now. Three of the four were big influences in my life right up until the day they died, the fourth didn’t come back in my life until the last five years of his.

My Nan (my paternal grandmother), Judith was the youngest of my grandparents, both in terms of the year she was born (1936) and the age she was when she died, she was also the first to die. I was also closest to her out of my four grandparents. She use to babysit me when my parents were at work, she lived near the schools my brother, Nathan and I went to, so we would visit her after school. She was smart, funny, and strong and she was also a heavy smoker. I remember when I was a kid I would buy “no smoking” magnets as it was a child’s way to try and convince her to quit smoking. It was the smoking that killed her in the end.

In November 2002 she was diagnosed with lung cancer. We thought she wouldn’t live to see Christmas, but she did thanks to aggressive chemotherapy. In the family Christmas photo her hair is noticeably gone. She was in remission and even walking around in 2003, however at Easter 2004, she had hip surgery which went wrong and the doctors found that her cancer had returned. After four months of attempted treatment and deterioration, she passed away on August 2^nd 2004. She was a month away from her 68^th birthday and I had only turned 14 the month before.

Watching her deteriorate, hearing her say that she wanted to die and watching her look into my eyes with fear and asking who I was, was the hardest period of my life. Asking my uncle who I was were the last words I heard her say. I always remember her for her personality (which my father and I have inherited), sense of humour and laugh. I can’t believe that this year will mark ten years since she died.

My Nanna (my maternal grandmother), Isabel, was the oldest of my grandparents in terms of the year she was born (1927), she died on January 12^th 2005, a mere five months after my Nan. My Nanna worked with my Pop when he had his chaff cutting business, she helped out with the voluntary fire service in their small town and she was also a dressmaker. She managed to do all of that and raise four children. My mother inherited her baking skills, sewing skills as well as her looks from her. Every weekend, my mum would take my brother and I out to visit my Nanna and Pop and we would play backyard cricket out in the paddock with our cousins who lived nearby. I remember we would spend our time either playing cricket or spending time with Pop in his shed and near his trucks. In the meantime, my mum and Nanna would get afternoon tea ready.

Afternoon tea would consist of my Nanna’s dining room table being covered with multiple varieties of biscuits and cakes. After spending time with Pop, my cousins and I would come back in the house, wash our hands and have afternoon tea. My Nanna was loving and devoted, however she also had health struggles, she had a tumour on her pituitary gland and type 2 diabetes. She got by, but I imagine she would have been in pain from time to time. In the early 2000s, she was placed in a nursing home in Condobolin for a little while and then moved back to Wagga. At the end of 2004, her doctor told my mum, my Pop and her siblings that Nanna’s tumour had grown and that she didn’t have long. A couple of weeks later she died as the tumour had grown and severed a blood vessel. She was 77 and was a month away from celebrating her and Pop’s 53^rd wedding anniversary.

My paternal grandfather, Peter, wasn’t in my life until I was sixteen due to, let’s say unpleasant family history. Because of some of the things that happened in the past and due to the fact that he wasn’t a part of my life, I couldn’t love him. That sounds cold and harsh, but that was just the reality of the situation. He was close with my brother, Nathan would buy his groceries for him. Unfortunately when Pop Loveday died, Nathan was the found one who found him. Everything went downhill from there with a minor family feud after the funeral and now myself and my parents don’t see or speak to my aunts and uncles. This all happened two years ago.

My maternal grandfather, Stanley, had the most health issues out of all of my grandparents and ironically was the last to die a year-and-a-half ago. He endured a quadruple bypass, minor heart attacks, bowel cancer, a stroke and heart disease. He died in June 2012 after his heart gave out due to a major stroke he had a few months earlier. He also had to endure losing his wife seven years earlier. It was hard watching his health deteriorate in his last few years of life, especially since my childhood was filled with happy memories of him making jokes, fixing his trucks and fiddling around in his shed, as well as spending Christmas with him and Nanna.

Life is different when all of your grandparents pass away, especially if you had grandparents like mine and were a big part of your life. Christmas 2013 was my second without any grandparents to visit. I miss them every day, especially now that I am an adult and I am making a life for myself, sometimes I wish I could tell them all about uni and my work.

Remember to visit your grandparents every now and then, they won’t be around forever.