Loveday Writing

Last year, I entered the NYC Midnight Scary Story Challenge, an international creative writing competition that challenges participants to write original scary stories using three prompts: a scare, a character, and an action. Each participant has 48 hours to write a scary story under 400 words.

The judges select the top 10 writers from each group in the first round to advance to the second round of the competition. I was assigned to write a scary story using the following three prompts:

• Scare: time travel
• Character: a presenter
• Action: bellowing

The results of the first round were released a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t make it to the second round, nor receive an honourable mention, which was unsurprising. Whilst I was given great prompts and it didn’t take me long to come up with the idea that I ended up running with, scary stories are not my strong suit and I struggled to write it.

My short story can be found below:

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“Breaking News” by Rach Loveday

I wake up at the same time every morning, 2:30, but I’m never in the same time.

Sometimes my home will give me clues: the colour of the walls, the technological devices (if any) around, and the clothes in my closet. However, I never truly know what year I’ve found myself in until I get to the studio (sometimes radio, sometimes television).

News presenters, no matter what medium, are expected to keep their cool. I present like I’m supposed to, until the final minutes of each program, until I say what I need to say, as loudly as I possibly can.

“Today’s” date: 31 August, 1939

“I can’t bring our program to a close for our loyal listeners without providing you all a word of warning. War is coming. The Germans are invading Poland tomorrow, they and the Soviets don’t think a war will happen but it will, it will be the deadliest war in human history. Get ready for worldwide tragedy and trauma, and for the beautiful Jewish people in Europe and around the world, I’m so sorry, but they’re coming for you. FLEE! FLEE NOW!”

I never get to see the end of the day or know if I make any difference, my throat still hurts when I wake up to another “tomorrow.”

“Today’s” date: 10 September, 2001

“I can’t bring our program to a close for our loyal viewers without providing you all a word of warning. Tomorrow, four planes will be hijacked, two of them will hit the Twin Towers and destroy them, the third will hit the Pentagon, the fourth will crash land in a field in Pennsylvania. For any of you scheduled to board American Airlines flights 11 and 77, and United Airline flights 93 and 175, DO NOT GET ON THE PLANE! For any of you working at the Twin Towers or the Pentagon, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TAKE A PERSONAL DAY, SLEEP IN, WHATEVER, DO NOT GO IN THERE!”

“Today’s” date: 9 May, 2015

“I can’t bring our program to a close for our loyal viewers without sending a special message to all the mothers out there ahead of their big day tomorrow. I’d love to give my mum a special shout out as I know she’s watching like always. Mum, I love you very much and I’m begging you, DON’T GET INTO THE CAR TOMORROW!”

“Today’s” date…

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A part of entry is receiving feedback from the judges on your story, whether you make it to the next round or not. The feedback I received from the judges on my story can be found below.

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“Breaking News” by Rach Loveday

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY:

{2309} I liked this premise a lot—not only is the narrator aware of the future, but also in a unique position to act on that knowledge to help others. The fact she chooses to do so shows the reader who she is in the most efficient and effective way, meaningful character action. Well done!

{1996} The premise for this story is so fascinating! A news presenter is the perfect person to have such huge insights about “future” events. Not only does she have the info needed to help others, but she also has the platform. Readers don’t get much time to know the protagonist, but her personality comes out in her dialogue. For example, the way the presenter always chooses to say, “I can’t bring our program to a close for our loyal listeners…” Small details like these can help make a character feel more real. Good job all around! 

{2535} Your interpretation of time travel was quite unique, and opened up a whole new set of possibilities and challenges for your main character. Despite being a complex system of time travel, you’ve managed to explain it well in a fairly condensed space. In addition, the presenter’s distress at her situation comes across very clearly in her speeches, showing how she is affected by being always at the edge of disaster, and unsure of how much she is capable of doing to prevent it.  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK:

{2309} Though the concept of the story was interesting, the narrative doesn’t really end up developing it beyond the initial premise. We see the presenter acting on her knowledge multiple times, but to have a sense of completion in the narrative, it would be important to at least see how the life she’s living is affecting her mentally and emotionally, if we can’t know the outcome of her warnings. It’s also unclear how her career has spanned such a long period of time, so I would suggest to perhaps shorten the timeframe of the breaking news she delivers.  

{1996} To reiterate, I very much enjoyed this fascinating story. That said, I have a suggestion for you to consider. While the premise is interesting, I feel like the story could benefit from added tension and/or a change at the end. First, the tension. At the moment, it’s hard to imagine what happens when the news presenter gives viewers these warnings. How are her co-workers reacting – are they also time travelers? Or do they think the presenter is being weird? Do they try and cut the presenter off the air early? Adding tension in this, or some other way, could potentially enhance the story. Similarly, the ending of the story, in some ways, doesn’t feel complete to me. What if the last story were to change; perhaps it’s an event that is fictional that makes the readers feel as though they’re the ones getting a warning. Or perhaps the presenter isn’t aware of anything in particular happening the next day, leaving her more afraid than ever. Whatever the twist, I feel that the story would be even more interesting if there were a bigger change at the end. So, I recommend a bit of a rewrite to see if these changes enhance the story. To do so, you may need to remove one of the news broadcasts. In my opinion, I think it’d be best to remove one of the major news ones but keep the one about Mom. Just something to consider/try out! 

{2535} While the three vignettes are well-executed, you could potentially simplify them or remove one to make space for a broader exploration of this character’s reality. The repetition doesn’t add further detail to the reader, so taking on another element to the story (how does the presenter prepare? Does she compare her new “tomorrows” to see if they are any different? Does she feel cursed, or is driven on by responsibility? How does she interact with others?) could provide an extra layer of complexity. Also, it might be worth editing the final lines to give a heightened sense of conclusion to the story. While the reader can sense this is a different (personal) type of tragedy, there doesn’t seem to be a clear sense of closure. Maybe showing that the character fears her limitations or hopes for power (can she change what happened? does she know she can’t and is still fighting it?) could be enough to tie the story up.