Loveday Writing

Earlier this year I entered the NYC Midnight 100-word Microfiction Challenge, an international creative writing competition that challenges participants to write original 100-word stories by giving them a specific genre, action and word assignment, in 24 hours. Every writer is placed in a specific group based on the genre, action and word assignment they are given. The competition judges pick 15 authors (per group) to progress to a second round. I was assigned to write a story under the historical fiction genre, and had to include the action of lying, and the word ‘ripe’.

The results of the first round were released in May. I didn’t make it to the second round, nor receive an honourable mention, which was unsurprising but admittedly a little disappointing, as this is the first time in my four years of participating in the Challenge that this has happened.

My short story can be found below.

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Making History

Well-behaved women seldom make history, that’s why I pulled my first “sickie.”

I worked hard and sacrificed to get here, I was going to the Olympics no matter what.

Olympic Stadium was ripe with Australian spirit and the optimism of the new millennium, it was so strong it could heal the actual sick.

It didn’t take long to find her, she stood out in her green and gold bodysuit. The crowd roared as she took off, and became deafening as she took the lead and gracefully crossed the finish line to victory.

Cathy and I both made history that day.

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A part of entry is receiving feedback from the judges on your story, whether you make it to the next round or not. The feedback I received from the judges on my story can be found below.

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”Making History” by Rach Loveday

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY:

{1788} Seeing two women embrace their destiny was very satisfying. It was obvious they both had extreme love for their country and were determined to leave their mark at one of the best events in the world. The first image of Cathy was bold and impressive. Just like the narrator, the reader was incredibly proud of her achievement.  

{2423} The details of the bodysuit and Australia help readers identify this story as taking place during the Sydney Olympics. The opening line helps readers know that this story will be about breaking expectations! 

{2551} I liked how the writer chose to show the historical event that is being depicted from the point of view of the narrator rather than telling it from a more objective point of view. The idea that the narrator refers to the runner as just “Cathy” shows how close they feel to her and the fact that it’s still easy to identify who “Cathy” is and when this takes place, strengthens the idea that she did make history that day.  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK:

{1788} Midway through the narrative, there was a shift in focus from the narrator to Cathy, which puzzled the reader. Why was there more attention devoted to Cathy in the second half? Who has the bigger hurdle to overcome? If there was more narrative focus, then the story would flow more naturally. What if the story started at the track with the narrator and Cathy, and the narrator needed some encouragement from veteran Cathy? While it’s up to the author, that would put the focus back on the narrator, with Cathy playing a pivotal role. If the reader knows who’s growing over the course of the story, and can follow their journey, it will strengthen the piece.

“Making History” is a wonderful example of female power and has a thrilling setting. Putting more focus on one character will bolster the story even more.  

{2423} The first line should be cut into two sentences, to avoid the comma splice and create more immediate tension. Swap the comma for a period! (I’d suggest the same for the second line.)

Instead of “to get here,” try using a specific place name, which will help situate the story in a historic time. Ex: “…sacrificed to get to the Sydney Olympics.” The reader needs to know what kind of event they’re competing in as well as who the main POV character is. To do so, the author might need to cut the line beginning with “Olympic Stadium.” It’s unclear if the main character is attending as a spectator or as a competitor. If it’s the former, the lines “I worked hard and sacrificed” could be cut in favor of character details and backstory. 

{2551} The framing of the story is that both the narrator and Cathy Freeman make history that day, but I’m unclear on how the narrator is making history? The only suggestions is that she faked sick for the first time, but that doesn’t quite add up to “making history” —which is quite a big claim. I think it could work if the faking sick was shown to be more of a struggle for the narrator, but it basically happens off screen. So I’d like to see more of that on the page and I think the third line could be cut after the word spirit, since nothing else in the line seems to tie into the story. Also one reference to “making history” is likely enough for such a short story.