Loveday Writing

Earlier this year I entered the NYC Midnight 100-word Microfiction Challenge, an international creative writing competition that challenges participants to write original 100-word stories by giving them a specific genre, action and word assignment, in 24 hours. Every writer is placed in a specific group based on the genre, action and word assignment they are given. The competition judges pick 15 authors (per group) to progress to a second round. I was assigned to write a story under the comedy genre, and had to include the action of looking out an airplane window and the word ‘off’.

The results of the first round were released in June. I didn’t make it to the second round, but my story got an honourable mention. To get an honourable mention in an international writing competition in which 6000+ people worldwide participated in, for a story I wrote in 24 hours, in a genre that I have never written under before, feels absolutely amazing!

My short story can be found below.

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The High Life

This is the life!

After years of hard work, I’ve finally made it to the first class cabin, and not only that, a first class cabin with suites! Privacy doors, a minibar, a luxurious seat/bed, no-one bothering me, absolute bliss.

My bliss was ruined by an unfortunately familiar voice as I was admiring the clouds outside my window.

“Leona! How many times do I have to say this? You can’t use the suite just because it’s empty!”

“Bugger off Sally, I’m still on break.”

“Not anymore, get back to economy with the trolley, it’s time to serve dinner.”

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A part of entry is receiving feedback from the judges on your story, whether you make it to the next round or not. The feedback I received from the judges on my story can be found below.

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”The High Life” by Rachel Loveday

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY:

{1943}  Oh my gosh, this story made me laugh! I loved the way you set us up to imagine the protagonist to be a successful businesswoman who had finally made it, before the big reveal. The fact that Leona was a steward was funny, and the fact that she was sent back to economy with the trolley was even funnier. This was an entertaining and most enjoyable short story – thank you for sharing it with me!

{2117}  There is a nice balance here between when the reader is unaware of Leona’s situation, and after they find out the truth. This allows for a nice build-up of tension while still allowing for some denouement. The voice of Leona feels appropriate for her true self, but also works in the beginning of the story, before the reader finds out the truth. The story shows that effort has been put into creating a balance between description, dialogue, and exposition, which makes the story feel more natural and more entertaining to read.

{2261}  This is a very entertaining story with a great twist. At first I was picturing a passenger who has put their life savings into a first class ticket. Discovering that the “passenger” was a flight attendant sneaking a break was so unexpected, and you executed it very well. Although you don’t include it in your story, it is clear that the narrator is bitterly disappointed at the interruption and will very begrudgingly return to her duties.  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK:

{1943}  The shift of tenses in your third paragraph felt rather awkward. You opened in present tense, with “This is the life!” and “I’ve finally made it”, but you then switched to past tense with “My bliss was ruined….” It can be helpful to read your script aloud to hear when the use of tenses is inconsistent. I would consider leading the third paragraph with her admiring the clouds rather than the bliss being ruined. Then, I would consider showing us the bliss being ruined, rather than telling us.

{2117}  The premise is amusing, but Leona appears to be living in a day dream, when she’s interrupted by Sally, who seems to be her boss. It It might feel more believable if she reacted by giving a little more deference to Sally. Starting or ending a story with dialogue can make readers feel as though the story began, or is going on, without them. The expression, “This is the life” is a bit overused. Taking it away doesn’t would actually make the beginning stronger. 

{2261}  I was wondering how Sally knew where to find Leona. It would be a fun addition to your story if there was a bit of hide-and-seek going on, with Sally searching for Leona in unlikely places before finding her.